Lost Love

 It was usual day and I was out for shopping with my mother when suddenly my eyes got stuck on him.  I froze for a minute, kept looking at him and regained senses after my mother shook me up. I looked at my mother and again looked at him. Emotion flooded from inside, I found it hard to stand or to stabilize myself, tears were about to roll down my cheeks when I patted myself, shook my legs and held those tears in the eyes , with a deep long breath I answered my mother "yes let's go". 

It was him, the long lost first love of my life. I have been  longing for him all these years. I used to imagine how it would be when I see him again. I used to think whether he would be married or how many kids he would have. All these years I have been holding myself together and promising myself to not break when I see him. But here I am, all shattered and destroyed. 

I walk closer to see more of him. Meanwhile my mother and I having conversation about list of stuff we need to collect from the store. "Yes Maa that's all, we don't need much stuff ". All this while staring him. I walk closer to see a woman standing by his side. And suddenly a cute little girl came running from nowhere and hold pulls his trousers saying, "Dad I want those chocolates". And as I go closer I hear his voice after decades I hear something that soothes my ears. In his voice he replied, "Okay I will get you the chocolates". And then he holds her in his arms getting her the chocolates she asked. 

I am looking at the entire scenario from a distance where he did not see me. I saw the charm in his face, the shine in his eyes out of happiness on holding his daughter. He looks at the woman, his wife with intense eyes filled with love. They had finished their shopping and were leaving when our eyes met. I could not stop staring at him, breathing heavily I looked at his wife, his kids, giving a smirk I looked away and moved towards the shop where my mother was standing.

I held pain for a very long duration. We had parted in good terms and yet I was in continuous distress but no more. As I see him happy and content in his life with beautiful small family I feel relieved. Today I am happy for him and today I feel I can move on in my life too.

Stranger

 ''Are you alright?' you asked me out of the blue. We didn't even know each other back then, but this question made me feel safe even cared for after a long time. You asked if I was alright again and I replied : " Yeah I am fine". 

Something shook within and I became alert. Adjusting my dress I looked down and sideways to confirm I was looking just normal. Collecting my curls spread all over my face I tied them into a bun. While I was fishing for my hairpin in my bag you stepped forward with the pin on the ground, "are you looking for this?" I replied: "yes" and took it from your hand and tucked in my hair. There was this first eye contact I made with a man after being boisterously manhandled. You looked concerned and your eyes were like a mirror reflecting your innocence, truthfulness and care.

We sat for approximately an hour waiting for the bus that day, in that hour I realized I can befriend and trust someone in this Men's world.  The comfort and safety that you made me feel that day was the reason I stood stronger after the wrath that had just happened. Anger, fury, recklessness, and demureness would not have passed had you not been there by my side all this while.

Part-2

 Preview:

Singly Married ~ Ashu had proposed Mihika for marriage, she neither refused or accepted the proposal. But the ring..... 

Mihika still have that ring with her. She wears it as pendant which is never visible. She always kept Ashu close to her heart. Even after 5 years, that love existed in her system as the blood flows through her veins. 

Mihika didn't marry Ashu or anyone else. Till today she was waiting for the right moment. The moment when she would feel responsible enough to dive into that life. She was too scared to get involved into customs, social attribute and liability. She grew up strong, wise, intelligent and smart. 

Ashu always complimented her existence. Her wild activities and his sober handlings of her mischief. She  shouted and he calmed her with his patience. Her hatred and his love was like that sweet which would not taste better without sour. His achievements, her decisions were winning them their goals in life. She knew he would come everytime she would not even ask for, but needed him. She annoyed him to beg for death and yet he came around every time. 

Ever since Ashu asked Mihika, she has been running around to places, meeting more people and trying to hide her complexities in her schedule. She needed him but was scared of commitment . 

What if this doesn't work out? What if he starts hating me? What if the fights between us start growing intense to part us to different ways?

She kept grilling these thoughts in her mind.

Until one day in that village walking around the Riverside she saw someone coming towards her. The moment she saw him her phone dropped in the mud and as she bend to pick up the phone the neckpiece floating in the air showcased the ring she was hiding.

In a hustle she turned around fixed her neckline hiding the neckpiece, turned around and said, "hey Ashu! how come you are here?". Ashu looked at her for good 15minutes glancing at her. Both kept looking at each other's eyes and felt the pain and ecstacy at the same time.

Ashu held her hand started speaking, "What are you doing with your life, ever since I asked you have been running around avoiding my calls, texts or mails. If you want to refuse to my proposal, or if you don't want me around why are you wearing that ring?".

Mihika stood silent for 5minutes.

...to be continued.....

Part-1

 Ashu was full prepared

Ashu proposed her with a ring for marriage.

she was excited, could be seen in her eyes,

sudden glow on her face and the energy

all did signify that she was overwhelmed

she didn't refuse or reject him or the proposal

yet she never accepted it completely 

she took the ring but never said "Yes".

......To be continued.......

धुएं सा प्यार

सुलगते सिगरेट की तरह
अपनी जिंदगी के कालेपन
को उसके धुएं मे उड़ा
आज मैं आपकी हुई।
अपने अंदर उस
सुकून को आपके
एहसास से भर 
रोम रोम को
आपसे महका लिया ।
अरसों बाद फिर से
आज मौसम का रूख बदला
और इस दिल को प्यार हुआ।

Smell of mangoes

The smell of mangoes takes me back to
the memories of river bank all alone
I wandered the speed and chill of river on cold
As he arrived across the river to lay glance on me
I stumbled to walk towards him as he winked.
Furiously I started shouting while reaching close
 
as I lifted my hand to mark a slap on his face,
he took my hand and kissed. 
Held me close by my waist 
drew me near to his breath
and locked his lips on mine
even before I could fight 
his tongue was rolling into mine.
 
The very first time I realized
the beauty of his intense eyes
the warmth of his deep breath
the comfort hold of his arms
the softness in his touch.
 
All this feeling to be on edge
occurred to me on river bed
with cold water flowing alongside
and wind blowing on the sight
with the smell of mangoes
of his garden alongside.

First Kiss

 "It's time. I need to go", said Raima . Eyes filled with expectation and saddened comprehensive lips Aman asked, "Is is that necessary to go so soon, you know we will not be able to meet again?". Raima looked at his eyes, held his hand with a smile she said, " This won't be the end for us for we will be in touch through mails and if destiny hath it we will meet again soon". Aman was not content with her words nor he could let her go. He was wailing at their separation so early in their relationship. Unwillingly in a shrewd tone he allowed "fine you can go, I'll be here for sometime". Raima by this time had understood he won't be able to cope up with his desolation if she leaves now. She removed her watch kept it on the table and leaned her head on the chair. Aman came closer to her, embraced her with one hand and held her cheeks to face his. He kissed her on her lips for seconds and then stopped. He looked deep in her eyes and told her how much he loved her. She tried to push him back but he was stronger and could not let it go. He kissed her again. This was deep and intense .

He started sucking her lower lip which went further to sucking her tongue. Initially Raima was resistant but she followed him. and allowed him to get deeper and loosened her hand to make him hold her cozily. That frangrance of his body was captivating her in the moment. She was lost in the instant. On one hand she kept on opening her eyes to glance at him, to see the intensity of love he had for her. On the other hand Aman kept his eyes closed, arms around her, he kept trying to get her closer with a grip so that she could not move away from him. He wanted his entire life in that moment. This was their first kiss of the first love. Aman and Raima stayed in a long distance relationship for good 9years. They always were in different states so possibility to meet was very thin. Worst part was they could not meet in their home town. Belonging to a small City and a middle class conservative family they had to avoid being caught. Yet their love grew strong and trust was stronger on each other. After getting into job they went to their parents for their marriage where they saw only dejection. Finally they decided to marry on their own and settle down. They are a happy couple today, after passing so many hurdles they are living together.

स्त्री बलिदान

कुछ टूट रहा है, हम बिखर रहे हैं।

तेरे आँसू मेरी आँखों से बह रहे हैं 

तेरा दर्द आज मेरे सीने में चुभ रहा है

आज फिर एक स्त्री की बलि चढ़ी

समाज के रंगमंच ने नई लीला रची।

उसका रोम रोम जलता रहा और

लोग उसकी परिक्रमा लगाते रहे।

वो झुलस झुलस कर रोती रही और

लोग तलियाँ बजा कर मज़ा लेते रहे।

ना वो आग ठंढी हुई ना लोगों का मन

उस झुलसे शरीर पर लोग घी डालते गए।

दी बलि उसने जिस समाज की खातिर

वो अबला कह उसे कोसते रहे।

हे समाज!

तड़पती उस आत्मा की आह से तो डर।

स्त्री के बलिदान की थोड़ी कदर तो कर।

मोह में बंध जो वो दे ना सकी उस श्राप से तो डर

जो आंधी आई तो बिखर जाएगा सब

मलबा समेटने कौन आएगा तब?

Anatomy of heartbreak

Ouch! that pinch

Ah! that hurts

Expresses mere physical pain

Heartbreak is mental agony

As described in scenario

You are sailing through the ocean 

And the ship sinks

you try to swim

pull your neck out of water

breathe in some oxygen

you flop your legs to keep afloat

and again you are pulled by a shark

back down deep into the water

you fight the shark

to keep you alive

you manage to escape

and end up in an island full of snakes.

So is the Anatomy of heartbreak.

Raat ka fasana

 Raat ki deewar par

apna fasana likhne baithe hain

tujhe bhula Kar yaad karne ka

bahana dhundne baithe h

hai dariya sa dil jisme tu samaya h

ho savera to Jana us paar tum

hum to sard raat ka nazrana likhne baithe h.

I think about you

I think about you when
the first light falls on the earth
and the grasses shine golden.

I think about you when
my eyes hurt and tears roll down
while chopping onions in the kitchen.

I think about you when
the cold water from the shower is dripping 
and drenching every inch of my skin.

I think about you when
the flesh in my body rejoices the flavors
of delectable dishes bouncing in the blood.

I think about you when
I look down in the water to see 
reflection of old, tired and drained me.

I think about you when
the darkness covers the sky around me
and the stars keep shining in the horizon.

I think about you when
the cool breeze in the night touches my skin
and reminds of your soft and hustle free caress.

I think about you when
my waist refuses to carry the burden 
and aches even while lying on a cozy bed.

I think about you when
the lungs relax and constrict to contain 
oxygen and stash carbon dioxide out of my body.

x

Being alone feels

 Being alone feels divine

like you are on cloud nine.

Not only the thoughts sour high,

But it's like deep blue ocean personified.

You feel the gust of wind

blowing through your face.

You hear the birds chirping 

like a soft music soothing your ears.

You see, you understand and think better.

You acknowledge, process and analyse better.

Your stunted growth and limited accessibility

is all gone and you feel free, reliable and confident.

Being alone is rather a blessing.

You realize your virtue and strength.

You climb mountains with valour.

You dig deep in the Ocean and fly high in the sky.

Tell me and I confide

 
try me
Tell me your feelings
Say it, use your voice
your deep wise words or
the intense eyes would suffice.
 
I
Will hold your hand
and walk by your side
to pull through darkness
and run to harmonious land
 
will gather the pieces
and hold you all tight.
will love and comfort
you untill I survive
 
Come, sit with me
hold my hand.
Bury your head 
on my chest.
Will cuddle you to 
make you feel right.
 
Show me your wounds,
I will embrace your pain,
expose your vulnerability.
And I aid them with love.
 
Even if you push me hard
and hide urself in rough vizard
I will come home to kiss your scars
alleviate your pain and load with gluttony.
 
try me, I
will hold you with love
and bestow all the trust
to rise, run to extreme delight
until you tire and fall back in my arms.

तेरे सिवा

तेरे सिवा
इस मन को कोई भाया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
इस दिल को किसी ने उलझाया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
रूह ने किसी को अपना बनाया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
कोई सपना नींद ने कभी दिखा ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
कोई अपना भी हो लगा ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
हाथ किसी ने ऐसे थाम समझाया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
आँखों से प्यार किसी ने जताया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
रंगों की पहचान किसी ने करवाया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
मुझे मुझसे किसी ने मिलवाया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
मेरी अठखेलियों पर कोई मुस्कुराया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
मेरी नादानियों को अपना किसी ने बनाया ही नहीं।
तेरे सिवा
मेरी ज़िंदगी में नूर कोई आया ही नहीं।

तुम्हारे साथ जीना था

तुम्हारे साथ जीना था

गलियारों के आशिक को छेड़,

बूढ़ी औरतों को सता

बचपन की अठखेलियों से लेकर

बुढ़ापे का सुकून बाटना था।

हर दर्द को हँसी में उड़ा

ज़िन्दगी के मज़े लूटते हुए

समाज की तानाशाही को दरकिनार कर

अपने सपनों कि उड़ान भरके

भगवान से भी भिड़ जाना था।

हमें तुम्हारे साथ जीना था।

गहराई में छिपे दर्द के अंधेरों को

तुम्हारे साथ कि रौशनी से मिटाना था।

उन हँसीन लम्हों की मार्मिक खुशी को

बाँट तुम्हारे साथ खिलखिलाकर हँसना था।

हो खास तुम हमारे लिए

लम्हों में छिपे हर रास की लीला

का आनंद साथ लिए जाना था।

है प्यार इसकदर तुमसे 

ये खुलकर बताना था।

जो खोया है फिर ना मिला

जो मिला उसे पाकर मैंने खोया है।

दिल में छिपे दर्द को एक बार

खुलकर बाहर लाना था,

कुछ पल हमें और तुम्हारे साथ बिताना था।